A Message to the Siblings
I have realized the growing need for a section for the siblings on this website. So I have decided to tell about my time growing up and what I felt as my sister was going through her treatments. I encourage all brothers and sisters of a child with cancer to read this, or have it explained to them by their parents.
I was born 17 years ago. By that time my sister's tumor was almost gone, but I was still involved with her cancer from the moment I was born. At two months old I was taken on a plane to fly to places like Boston and Alabama. Of course, being two months old I do not remember this at all.
It wasn't until I was around the ages of 3-5 when I had a real understanding of what my family was going through. I knew that my sister would be in the hospital most days out of the week, and finally (at that age) I slowly figured out that my sister had cancer. She had "something bad" in her head.
Being born into this, I knew from a young age that I would not be put first most of the time. I knew that my sister's needs came before mine. So I could not get angry if my parents were paying attention to my sister more than to me. There were times, though, when my sister was going through her facial reconstruction process (to fix her smile) when it really started nagging at me. I would yell at my parents and be so mad at them. Sometimes I told them that I wish I had been born with cancer too, so that they would pay as much attention to me as they did to Misha.
The siblings can, and will, start thinking these things. They are going to be very angry at the parents and start saying things bad about them and their sibling with cancer. Parents: this is not the time to be scolding that child. Do not yell at them for being inconsiderate or selfish, or remind them that their brother or sister has cancer so they need to have a little more respect. Do not do that. The siblings, despite being angry, actually do care about their brother or sister in the hospital.
Even though I said all those things about my sister having more attention, I would always be there to take care of her if need be. I would always be the first one out the door if one of my parents was taking me to the hospital to visit my sister. There was one time when I woke up in the morning and my mom told me "We're going to see Misha today." From what my parents tell me, I ran to the door and ran down the stairs (we lived in an apartment) still in my pajamas and diaper. I had not eaten or anything. I just looked up at my mom and said "Let's go."
When everyone gets older, and the child survives their cancer, there are going to be a lot of opportunities for them. People will praise them for surviving and tell them they "are such a miracle." This has happened to my sister since she was three, when the tumor was officially gone. Of course I got jealous whenever such things happened. My sister had a miraculous story to tell. But what did I have? I had to sit and help her through so much during that time. I realized then that like my sister and her story, I would need to make a story for myself. I needed to do something miraculous, too. That is why I created this website: to do something miraculous. Maybe I wasn't the one who survived a brain tumor, but I can sure help other people try to survive theirs.
To this day, I'd do anything to help my sister. It's just the mind-set that I have had since I was a baby. Showing false emotions (that can also have a little truth behind them) is a siblings' way of coping with the situation. At least, it was in my case.
The siblings need to know that they are not forgotten. Their parents still love them and will make time for them. Parents: you need to make sure you spend quality time with that child as well. Don't let them feel how I have felt since I was a child. They'll realize after a while that what they're going through was a little selfish, but the parents do not need to be the ones to tell them that. I have figured it out, and gotten over it.
If you ever need a fellow sibling of a child with a brain tumor to talk to, don't hesitate to email me at [email protected]. I'll always answer with advice or be there if you just want to talk about what is going on.
I was born 17 years ago. By that time my sister's tumor was almost gone, but I was still involved with her cancer from the moment I was born. At two months old I was taken on a plane to fly to places like Boston and Alabama. Of course, being two months old I do not remember this at all.
It wasn't until I was around the ages of 3-5 when I had a real understanding of what my family was going through. I knew that my sister would be in the hospital most days out of the week, and finally (at that age) I slowly figured out that my sister had cancer. She had "something bad" in her head.
Being born into this, I knew from a young age that I would not be put first most of the time. I knew that my sister's needs came before mine. So I could not get angry if my parents were paying attention to my sister more than to me. There were times, though, when my sister was going through her facial reconstruction process (to fix her smile) when it really started nagging at me. I would yell at my parents and be so mad at them. Sometimes I told them that I wish I had been born with cancer too, so that they would pay as much attention to me as they did to Misha.
The siblings can, and will, start thinking these things. They are going to be very angry at the parents and start saying things bad about them and their sibling with cancer. Parents: this is not the time to be scolding that child. Do not yell at them for being inconsiderate or selfish, or remind them that their brother or sister has cancer so they need to have a little more respect. Do not do that. The siblings, despite being angry, actually do care about their brother or sister in the hospital.
Even though I said all those things about my sister having more attention, I would always be there to take care of her if need be. I would always be the first one out the door if one of my parents was taking me to the hospital to visit my sister. There was one time when I woke up in the morning and my mom told me "We're going to see Misha today." From what my parents tell me, I ran to the door and ran down the stairs (we lived in an apartment) still in my pajamas and diaper. I had not eaten or anything. I just looked up at my mom and said "Let's go."
When everyone gets older, and the child survives their cancer, there are going to be a lot of opportunities for them. People will praise them for surviving and tell them they "are such a miracle." This has happened to my sister since she was three, when the tumor was officially gone. Of course I got jealous whenever such things happened. My sister had a miraculous story to tell. But what did I have? I had to sit and help her through so much during that time. I realized then that like my sister and her story, I would need to make a story for myself. I needed to do something miraculous, too. That is why I created this website: to do something miraculous. Maybe I wasn't the one who survived a brain tumor, but I can sure help other people try to survive theirs.
To this day, I'd do anything to help my sister. It's just the mind-set that I have had since I was a baby. Showing false emotions (that can also have a little truth behind them) is a siblings' way of coping with the situation. At least, it was in my case.
The siblings need to know that they are not forgotten. Their parents still love them and will make time for them. Parents: you need to make sure you spend quality time with that child as well. Don't let them feel how I have felt since I was a child. They'll realize after a while that what they're going through was a little selfish, but the parents do not need to be the ones to tell them that. I have figured it out, and gotten over it.
If you ever need a fellow sibling of a child with a brain tumor to talk to, don't hesitate to email me at [email protected]. I'll always answer with advice or be there if you just want to talk about what is going on.